whoosh. what a weekend. my head is spinning. spinning. spinning.
surf was GREAT. good lord.
Te Arai was idyllic. literally paradise.
wait wait. graduation on Friday night which was awesome, ceremonious, moving.
i felt proud. Of all of us. It was quite a thing. all the heads of faculty did wonderful rambling talks about dreams, the power of intention, our responsibilities in the world.
wonderful muscial interludes, didgeridoo and flamenco guitar together!!!
and then we went out, had dinner, got drunk danced!!!
I must claim responsibility for getting whole clubs on the dancefloor. GOd put me here to not only bring healing, but dancing, to the people, and I felt I met my task with enthusiasm and pizazz.
Pizazz is one of the Holograms. For those who know.
okay rambles. monday. arrhrhrhghghgh.
We slept til like, 11am and the fun of mulching around all day together trying to get away we ended up at Te Arai about 2pm. Surf was fucking awesome. what can i say. 2-3 foot, clean, offshore. couple of breaks. mean rip round the point. the kind of waves, that sitting here, remembering them, brings a longing ache to my throat.
We had a rad surf, everyone in the waters pretty happy cuz the waves are so good. GOod buzz.
Me and P catch a wave TOGETHER!!! it's stupidly rad and i laugh my head off on my board cuz of how cool it is to be riding parallel on a wave with my beautiful boy.
that called for a double high five later. yes may there be many many more.
I'm a bit gutted with myself cuz of being so tired go in real early. We switch boards cuz the aqua wave slayer is unbeatable and i head in w P's 7.9ft'er.
I clean off, dress. eat a killer smoked fish on focaccia s/wich and watch piet surf as th sun sinks.
sunrise is exceptional. colours line the sky and faze into each other without separation, lemon yellow, lime green, turquoise, lilac, peach, pink, china blue, and white clouds that burst and rumble like puffs of steam from a train engine and the suns last rays catch electric light on the clouds and right high up in the sky on the silver moon 3/4 full and shining like a chink of diamond.

It gets cold and i have to get into the car and put the heater on. i doze and read my book.
one by one everyone leaves the water except P. finally with the last slither of light left in the sky, P comes in, wide eyed adn euphoric. A magical magical evening for sure.
tired and relaxed drive home and crash.

Sunday is raining, the perfect day to stay in bed all day and watch dvds on the laptop but we check the surf adn it looks like its' going off out west so whats a girl and a boy to do!? you know it.
we hadn't even taken the boards off the roof so no sweat, eggs toast and coffee and we're back on the road.
Pihas pretty small actually, and its dumping. and high tide aint til 8pm. ahhh well, you get what you get. i'm still keen to be in the sea. wet bikini on, wet wetsuit on. wax up. into the roar.
The skies are grey, but big and open, not oppressive, and it's keeping the warmth in. and as such the beach is almost empty, a few people here and there, and it's quiet. it's really just surfers. a couple or two. one tourist. few kids on skateboards adn BMXs.

it's all about picking your spot ahy. first we head straight out the middle. piet goes off to back line. i try catching that middle break over by lions rock but it's bullshit. dump dump dump.
even the boogie boardesr with fins are finding it hard to get out.
you know that lefthander that barrells in the pocket over the otherside? i decide it's time for me and that left hander to meet. paddle the WHOLE length of piha agaisnt numerous rips. get over left and start trying to head out. adn i try for at least half an hour. comes a moment when i yell at the sky and am near tears with frustration, if i can't get out, i can't surf, I am like COME ONNNNNNN. yelling up to god up there in the sky. then god whispers something i don't catch which makes me think: whats teh lesson here? MUST be perserverance. its either head in, or keep heading out. not much choice then have i? not going in.
so i battle on out and make it out to back line, halelujah!
jesus these waves are fat. and they build quick. reckon it's 4-5 sometimes. waves come that i am afraid of and SO relieved to go THROUGH them. feeling bad, but glad not to be the people three meters back from me getting dumped on. i pick one, times right, push, paddle and catchit and i'm racing nose first down the face of it, see the nose hit the water, and hear the thwack of the wave hitting my body, and my body hitting the water, knocking all the air out of me.
it match sticks me. i hold my breath and wait.
when i pop up theres a dude looking at me with the widest eyes, he obviously sore it all and is kinda surprised i'm fine i think. we grin. i'm spluttering and coughing. head back out.
i catch two little ones on the way back out and ride them, i'm starting to turn and steer teh board a bit. radness. and i stand. rad.
paddle out again, can see my boy all this time,his boards too small for these freakin sledgehammers, he catches them but his board wo'nt stay underneath him, i watch him disappear into countless frothing jaws. we catch each others eyes periodically and grin. he waves me over sometimes, but i'm happy here.
the waves grow. it goes more and mroe offshore. but it's getting cold. and i've got to get to waiheke later.
i catch another mountain. jesus lord. it builds like it must be two meters THICK and then rises in half a second and snaps in half. again i get inhilated. this time the board gets me real good on the top of my head. i'm under the surf trying to find my head with my hands for protection.
that'll do me. i was brave. i made it out. i was scared. i faced it. i caught a couple. thats me.
P reads my mind and we meet up in the wash. he's getting cold and the boards not really working and we call it a day.
head in get hot chips and bail home.

i learnt some good lessons this weekend that i need to keep learning.
1)hangovers steal surfing from you
2)just keep going

happy elves.
i move this weekend. helalujah. no more rats in the roof. no more bed i don't even fit diagonally on. no more 3hours driving every day. and the rest.
happy happy happy.
:)

When I awoke you were still there, still you.

What parts of dreams are reality, all? in a twisting seemingly endless unsubstantiated drama unfolding as a spiral staircase that ends on itself and begins again going neither up nor down though you look hard and reach for direction.

Why scenes from my waking life, alive and walking like wolves prowling the night their eyes gleam and only their lack of shadows to tell me this aint real, this dream aint real.
I know it aint real, it feels like bubble gum.

I pre-empt you. Everything you say I feel coming in micro waves. Microcosmic blueprints of you projected onto me. Even as I unfold myself to show you my inner wolves and elves and wings, you are winding into this me of the now, becoming stuck in me now, like stripes in candy cane.
I think THIS is real. It feels like bubble gum.
We chew it up and spit it back and forth. Feeding each other like ravenous birds.
Having starved on fools gold, now taking our fill of hot stew.
So real. So real. So real. Like earth.
Cement it with a name. But care not to stifle this fragile dream with too much hope.

How much of my insecurity is my dreaming life built on. no, rather, how much of my dreaming life is the shake off of my insecurities. A great and heavy cloak made of the feathers of so many thousands of birds and the battered skins of creatures long extinct, with bloodshot arms I lift if off my back and toss it and the winds pull shards of me. The night takes hold of me. The dreams give drugs to my largest, darkest fears.

what is infidelity but a departure. A disconnection from the lock down we've been living in.
Head to head. mind to mind. hip to hip. mouth to mouth.
This dream that we are one.
An infidelity just admitting we can never be. Except for one saving grace,
we can choose to play fair and not to never hurt, abandon, or accident upon each other
but just to never cheat.

I lie in your dust. you future spurns out away from you and mine from me like ribbons in a deaf gale. gust of ribbons. The guts of ribbons. Spools of ribbons. Care for we are spilling bolts of cloth.


I lie here in your present. you in mine. what part of the dream is this? the finale? The end of The Great Romantic Nightmares, or the portal to the newest, ingratiating Dream.
We stand in a doorway continuing to breathe as from under cloaks our dreams come true.

thursday

Hi
did everyone have a good anzac day. ahhhhh i'm having to block out the conversation happening at work, about how the people in the countries where everyone is starving need to sort their shit out basically and stop expecting handouts cuz we can't keep giving them money.
Which was a conversation initiated by my boss saying i should have kids to 'keep the human race alive' and so that someone would visit me in old folks home.
save me.
or kill me.
or something.

I had a DELIGHTFUL anzac day. respec' all da boys who fought. it can't've been easy. infact i reckon thats the worst thing a person could have to go through. REspec' boys. you were brave and you served your country I respect you. we wo'nt forget.

I slept in. and then lay in bed working out how to do a powerpoint on my lappy, using the 'directive' layout and the topic 'how to become an actualised being'. very fun indeed.

til my beautiful boy turned up to come climb in with me for very i missed you huggles and kisses and smiles and giggles. all goodness.

adri popped over, he was meant to be coming surfing but couldn't, looked really drained. I gave him mushroom pills (of the non-hallucinagenic sort!), herbs and a back rub and sent him on his way. P and I boiled eggs and made sammies and racked up and shwoosh! were away!

I made us go to piha. maybe that wasn't the wisest. P's call was bethells. but i MISS piha. so piha it was.
Right on the corner where you turn to go to north (?) piha there was a parade with old vets adn the police and lotsa people and bagpipes and some kids with skateboards and lotsa old hippies. a right piha raggamuffin group. we turned down the radio and was like: yeah. respec.

It's like, 2-3 with some 3-4 and kinda dumping out the back, lotsa white, looks like a nice lefthander that one over by lions rock, and some nice small waves right in the middle. we suit up and shoot out. P goes out back. i do'nt. i do'nt think i can to be honest. i've lost heapsa strenght. grrrr it bugs the hell out of me.

spend like an hour paddling round, the wave is elusive. everytime you paddle to where the wave WAS it's shifted. this is so damn true of piha. goddam piha. like a woman on the rag. so changeable and unreasonable. but i still love'r.

Boy came back in a few times to hang w me, and take me out with him, but i can't get out, maybe i could've, i'm not really into it, so watch Boy paddle on out again. brave boy.

i try for the shore break but the tides not high enough and it' speople galore. i nearly cut the heads off two boys when my board shoots out from under me at the end of my ride. that was my best ride actually, cept for the ending. which was pretty funny to be honest cuz they both go
BIG WIDE EYES
DUCK
and disappear into the waves to miss it. we all come up grinning and me going: SHIT! SHIT!
you alright?! they don't seem to mind.

tired as. head in. p's already in. we eat eggs adn sammies and kiss and canoodle in the sand. his mate alex has turned up but we're so oblivious to company. poor bugger. The suns lost alot of its heat cuz it's autumn. it's kinda nice. milky. bright.

Schirin, nic, amy and kim walk past. piha girls. they're just heading out. so we suit up and go back in. i'm too tired though really. don't last long. lose sight of p and he heads out back. ahhhh, my boy. sorry. smitten.

I lie on my tummy for a bit just looking and feeling the water and the beach then head in. rinse, dry, dress, pack the boards up and go sit on the beach and wait to see him come walking out of the surf, dripping, seaclean, tired, strong, board under arm. something about that vision gets me everytime.
Dressed and in the car we hooooon back to town and miss the first six minutes of 300. but WHAT A MOVIE. highly recommended. gladiator meets sin city. all glory and nobility and honour and bravery, passion treason and warriors! i think people think it's a boy movie, but nah man, it's fantastical the way crouching tiger hidden dragon was. go see it. think i'm going to see it twice.

Wasn't it hot last night? i woke up several times casting off blankets and jumpers and opening the window.
this thursday feels like a monday. i'm sleepy. more days off!
i graduate tomorrow.
life is a whirlwind. i'm in a bubble of happiness bumping along on a rainbow ride.

:)

The kind autumn day we went for our first surf together

In the middle of the forest after very little sleep and a bit much wine last night and so much twisting in togetherness me dancing in my tights lots of talking in funny accents and making jokes and playing games then driving for hours laughing talking singing changing the music kissing you kissing me getting tired of being lost getting good again running up sand hills jumping off sand hills pulling on rubber suits jumping on boards and surfing paddling reaching pulling a catch of sea you're so brave so brave mister lion holding my breath panting pulling wading walking laughing surfing leaping up and falling down into the rumble tumbling washing machine surf popping up out of the white froth your wet hair dripping in your wet blue eyes, pooling as you look me in my wet blue eyes, so so alive, kissing.. smiling.. surfing...

Standing,
afterwards
bellies pressed together foreheads pressed together, bodies talking
simpler and truer words than our tired minds can say
Dripping, half in half out of wetsuits
cleaned out washed out worn out and
made good again
pulsing with tiredness, arms heavy, every heart beat a thud that rocks me
your heart beating pitting and patting beneath your ribs
beating against me, warm like blood like sunshine
black sand grits between my toes,
feet on a soft spongey bed of reddy brown pine needles
the light breeze, my balance wavers, i lean into your
cold flesh, sticky with salt
warmed with the white and yellow
autumn afternoon sun
that traverses through the long limbed straight spines of the pines
falling on us in sheets
warm like sun like flesh like blood

Quiet
everything gone but us, the trees, the birds and over the hill the sea
clean, the smell of pines, smell of sea
the sweet smell that is only you
the warmth of your blood and your intention warm
your belly tells my belly
warm and happy words
your face on my face
saying sweet and simple things

cold fingers trailing gooseflesh making paths
and tingling
shiverring, trembling
you're
kissing
me
the slippery satin of your wet lips and soft tongue and i am
swimming
in you dizzy and happy and my heart and rational mind not stupid or blind
and body we just feel well
all feels well

for the queen she was born

I've always liked y ou. Immensely.
It goes without saying.
When the world throws us filthy, dirty
ferosciously poisonous herbal pills
and we are wallowing in our muck, filth
shit, piss, blood and puke
we come out alive
and LAUGHING
God Bless Inangapooa
lest we forget.

You're better than me,
yet you give me your applause
You give me love that should be yours.
You hook me up, take me on tour.

Deep down inside you know i'm still that
bright, bubbly, buck toothed, strawberry blonde
in a rose covered two piece
trying to make the world love me.

Deep down inside I know you're still that
beautiful Irish Brunette
actress, model, poet, painter, starlett
in a pink polka dot one piece
trying to make the world clap.

It's the knowing,
all the knowing
that holds us.

P

Unusually lovely

Fading into sleep whispering to each other in the dark

I roll what I know of you around inside my cheek
Smiling in the dark
Holding back from sleep
So I can stay with you laugh with you play with you.

I don’t know all the things you are,
This is what I know so far
You are made of:

Light, your edges fuzzy and you glow white
You beamed up at me and from the first I could see
The way it filters through milk green leaves of forest trees,
Magical forests, ancient trees.

Rainbows dreaming bubbles
Glistening fragile happy

Belly talk.
And Beds that eat Shrawls.

One monkey, silly happy monkey mimicking me, my mirror, making fun but never mean
One Lion, beautiful and proud, nothing beats a lion, silly lazy lion, generous, kindly lion, lie in the sun and purrrrrrrr, my soft and lovely lion.

A big wooden sailing boat seen afar from the shore with sails full of wind
Rivers leading to the seas
Rocks rolling in the river beds
Traveler, roamer, nomad.

You are made of elf blood and blonde wood
Smoothed by centuries

You are so easy
So good and so easy

Fire. Metal. Earth.
Dancing in a burst of flame.

Eskimo in your oversized coat
Boarder collies

And most of all, Laughter.
Grows on you like a vine, and I wind you in mine, our mirth entwined.
Constant laughter. Hurts good and tight in your chest laughter. Curling up your knees to your chest laughter. Squeezing your eyes shut and gasping for breath laughter. Looking me in my weeping eyes and taking meylaughter, infecting me with your laughter.
Laughter passed between us like a big hilarious ball. Poor ball. Good laughter.

You are the feeling of happiness, curled around a smug as the cat got the cream.
The feeling of
Getting what you want.
And every minute
You surprise me fully and new
Because you are so much better than I could have ever known you would be.

You say fully and totally and hate rugby and dream about flying and tsunamis
Just like me.

And most importantly:
Know what you like, and like what you like, and like to like what you like,
And like to know that you like what you like

Are you getting this down?

can't keep up!

Things are happening faster than i can write about them.
And strangely now, i just want to be in them, not write about them.

Also 'im going to eventually switch to myspace, then i can upload songs, when i've recorded them. all in good time.

I have alice russell to tell you about, and a trip to rotorua and a triathlon!!!
we came 22 out of 147 teams, choice ahy. I swam James cycled I ran.
james is incredible. he pulls us from the top of the average pile to the middle of the winning pile.
We're going to nail it next year, reckon we could make top five.
and it's a world series you know. people come from all over the world to do it. amazing ahy.
i ran so hard i was nearly sick. thats the spirit.

And then theres coherent and karoke with dan and cam and dancing and laughter and meeting Pieter pan. :)

I have a poem in my chest that is rising like a tide, coming up in waves, creeping up my calves.

Will write it out when I can.

Currently sitting at work so unbelievably sleep deprived, living on happyness, water, coffee and rice being held together by a single strand of cotton and one piece of gum. When I fall over it will be into a deep dark cat purry bear furry cave of sleepy goodness.

Heres the start of the Alice Russell story. It'll probalby never get finished.

...

...

...

...





SHOOOOOEEEE!!!!!

Sometimes a thing is as good as you hope it will be from start to finish.

The DAY tickets for Alice Russell went on sale, with my heart pounding I bought two.
I felt like the holder of the last Golden Tickets, and one to spare for a lucky friend! I was going to make someones day really good.

I have all three Alice Russell CDs on constant rotation in the car. Alice Russell and the various remixes of her songs are pretty much the soundtrack to my life. Sometimes I feel like I only listen to other music so that when I come back to Alice I will appreciate it so much more.

For me it's the music I can sing my FACE off to in the car, long, loud, big, fat, screechy, high, deep harmonious notes. Funky soul, Love, life and Munkying around.

I took my partner in dancing crime miss Amy (soon to be) Joe. Me and Aims dancing together should be a illegal it's so good. She was the perfect compadre.

I've been verrrrry good lately, but despite the fact that I've got to do the swim and run of a tri tomorrow, in true self destructive style I had a few wee wines. Sometimes it's just really fun to be tipsy ahy?

The gig was in the Opium, in the Imax building on Queen St. What a classy joint. Far too classy to be in Auckland, infact it reminded me distinctly of Vintage in Welly. Up a Rose red carpeted and curling staircase which is a timetravel machine back to the richness and finess of the 1920s meets the brown wood and block colour of the 70s meets clean lines and minimalism of the 21st century.

As you enter you pass a wall of bar on your right, behind it a wall of opaque glass, backlit, reaching to the ceiling and an inconceivable amount of piss staggeringly lined up and up and up the wall. The bar is 3 people deep. Chocolate brown wood. Chocolate brown bar stools and couches. High ceilings, thats what gives the whole place a feeling of extravagance. The crowd is older than I expected, mid thirties professionals, and older.
Not what i'd expected at all, I feel like a kid who's snuck out of bed to peek at mum and dads party.

But then faces start coming out of the crowd, me and Amy spot all the kids that we know, I realise the other half of the crowd is that group of Aucklanders that is all one degree of separation from each other, rakinos people and musicians mostly. Everyone knows everyone. In Auckland it is as simple as that.

The main area bit has a leeedle tiny stage and then a leeedle tiny semi circular dancefloor that is hemmed by booths. Booths are staggered back and up, back and up. So it is mostly for seated gigs! huh! Each booth is a semi circle of couch, covered lavishly in rich velvety red covering swirling with floral art nouveau designs. Low dark wooden tables at their centre with glass candle holders and flickering candles dotting the dimly lit room.
Visually, it is rich and old style opulence like a christmas roast spread from banquet in the 1700s.
I can't take it all in.

The toilets have couches (when really all women need is two more toilets) but nice touch. All browns. Tiles. Mirrors. Spaciousness. Clean. And then more mirrors.
We mingle, lose each other, find people, chat. The support band is the wonderful Tara and The Tornado's which is (the ones I know) Tara from Opensouls on vocals, looking as stunning and glamourous as a woman can, owning the stage, pouring on the vocals, smearing us with her big smokey fire engine of a voice, Chip from Che Fu and the Crates on base, Isaac from all over the place on trumpet, a sax, guitar, drums.. okay sorry i dont' know them all.
It's the perfect precursor to Alice. It's big funky soul jazz and it's pied piper music and do we ever dance.
I am SO proud of us.
We dance immediately, a tall guy in a colourful paisley shirt goes straight to the front of the room and dances without any modesty using all of his limbs. We fill in behind him. We all dance. I can't really tell you what people look like because i grin and gleam at the band or have my eyes closed, i'm a bloody trancer when it comes to dancing, a world of my own.
It's big it's fun it's funky and it's getting hotter and hotter.
Small interlude then the main attraction.
We scream and squeal and yell and stomp and clap. Again I'm SO proud of us, Aucklanders usually lean back fold their arms and say 'oh yeah... 'sallright'
but not us, not here, we're the jump up and down types. ahhhhh i'm with the right people.
Out she comes, the white queen of soul. petite and curvaceous, a rocket in a five foot frame, an explosion dressed like a burlesque british babe.



...
...
...

we danced. danced. danced. screamed and yelled so loud for an encore that the noise was no longer sound but became vibration. I could have seen that concert three times in a row back to back.
never enough. can never get enough of that womans voice. I taped the whole thing on my fone, it's the most atrocious feedbacky screechy recording, but its so wonderful.

okay god. i'm supposed to be working. i have the most whopper to do list and am doing a training on wednesday. aieesh. four and one half hours to go. least i love this job so much i can do it sleep deprived.

one peice of gum and a single strand of cotton.

eeeeeee

like a little mouse
on a big wooden sailing boat
off to see the world

things that make me smile even on a shitty day

I was reading up about Rose Hips for work on one site it says "something something when the 'peddles' fall off the flower."
That makes me smile.

When the manager at Supre has to use a calculator to minus 13 from 20.
and gets eight.
That makes me smile.

Remembering that I am seeing Alice Russell tonight.
no matter what else happens today, thats where i'm ending up tonight.
That makes me smile.

:)

Me, Dan, Jesus and Te Arai.

Right after i finished writing that last blog it occurred to me that Te Arai would be in alright condition. I lept into action, board already strapped on from yesterday, left over pizza, towel, wetty, jeans jumper brrmmmm brrrmmmm.

I get to Te Arai bout 11 which was good timing cuz it's still offshore and 1-2ft. Never seen Te Arai so busy. Easter weekend ahy. but thats sweet. there was more of a varied cross section of surfers in the water including the real REAL beginners. so i didn't have to feel like THE pain in the ass in the water.

It was good, surfed for a couple of hours, not too hard work, few good little rides. Sun decided to come out. It was real nice actually. One wave I catch and I'm too far forward on my board, so I come sliding off the front of it, no biggie but this particular time my board pops UP! and comes straight down on my head. BANG! It feels like a punch in the head. And real loud.
I stand straight up and am like like OW! But when theres nobody to see or ask how you are theres really not much good in standing around feeling sorry for yourself. so i just jump on and paddle back out. I get out to backline and sit up on my board and my eye is throbbing and the whole left side of my head and cheek feels like it's standing out an inch from my face. I rub it hard, ow ow ow. and open my eyes and this guy is looking at me smiling like, you got hit in the head ahy.
Which makes me feel a bit better. it's stil bloody sore today you know.

Out in the water some older dude is like: catching much? I'm like, yeah a few, trying not to get in everyones way though. he goes: don't worry bout that just get in there.
oh nice one. you need to be told that by someone sometimes you know?

After a good effort, went back in and devoured cold pizza sitting on the bench watching the scene. Its so picturesque, surfers, families playing beach cricket, kids flying kites, toddlers waddling round like pigs in muck, kids from 8 to 15 learning to surf, mums in the water, you don't see much of that. Often i hate crowds, this day it seemed cheerful, like there is alot of good in the world.

Nick, the old surf dog from before, comes over and admires my board and we chat for a good hour. nice guy, been surfing for fourty odd years. lots to say. young mind. I think he wanted a surfing mate, i'm like sure, but you know to be honest, it's pretty hard to coordinate being able to go out. even me and pim can barely manage it. Also he tells me to keep my legs together when i paddle, to use my torso strength more. Gave that a try today and he's dead right.
Sweeeeet. good tip. He's all, ahaaahrgg you're so young! so free! you've got the surfing bug! you gotta go here, and here, and here. He recommends oz above everywhere else. He also offers for me to use the leftover water from his solar shower. AFter heating it on top of the car on the drive out, he rigs it to the nose of his board and leans it on the open boot. A seasoned surfer man. i pass though, can't really be assed.

Get a text from dan, yep she wants to do roadtrip and camp. i dunno whats happening in raggers and its' so nice here right now with the sun just come out and i'm like, i'll come get you bring you back up here ahy? how much do i love this girl!?!! pack up, and drive the hour and a half back to get Dan.

The passing lanes are really decent all the way up there, you never get stuck behind someone for more than five minutes. On the way home i get stuck behind a winnebago but this time i'm not so gutted. Theres a young boy looking out the back window at me, maybe 8 or 9. then his younger brother joins him, mayb 3 or 4 years old. little blonde bowl cut. They're looking at me, i'm looking back at them. Then the younger boy stands up and he's butt naked. He turns around so his bare little ass is facing me and starts waving it from side to side and slapping each butt cheek. Slap, wiggle, slap, wiggle, slap.

AHAAA!!! i'm cracking up. his brother is cracking up. As the winnebago turns a corner he teeters to onto one leg and collapses onto whatever hes' standing on, probably the bed. He kneels back down turning to face me, resting his chin on his hands and GRINS at me, grins and grins and grins. I grin grin grin back.

Onto a good thing, he's up again. Waving that little toosh and slapping it. he goes to the side of the camper so his body is hidden and pokes only his butt out, wiggling it and slapping it. I think i'm above it and stop laughing. But nah it gets me again. And I'm laughing real loud and real hard in the car. The wonderful surprising hilarity of this is enough to make the whole day a good one. I'm in the car not wearing anything under my tee and if that little bugger was sixteen or older i'd flash him right back. but you can't go flashing four year olds now can you. Even if it seems fair and square, you just can't. When they turn off at Waiwera I beep beep bee beep my horn. thanks for the entertainment ya little bugger.
And i'm in practically in Aucks.
Get dan, tent, supplies, cooker. hour and a half back. My car isn't black anymore, it's "off white dust", very now.
It even got tagged. ('sup mason.)

It says no camping down at the point, but people are camping. theres a whole frickend carlton party hire van and two cars and a massive tent with fairy lights and cookers and like, if anyones getting in trouble for camping it aint me and dan and our two man.

We pitch our tent and pour the ciders, crack open the snacks and get to chatting laughing ranting and drinking. We stroll down to the beach to watch the last of the sun saunter out of the sky. As Dan says: that so beautiful it makes my tummy go all tingly inside.
We retire to the tent and get to getting tiddly, reminiscing, telling great camping stories, and laughing our head off. We get all snoozy and it's only 9pm so we push it til about ten, but tireds tired. BEd down and I hear dan start breathing rhthmic sleep breathing. I've never been so comfortable cuz my bed at the moment is two short for me and in the tent i can spreeead out.
So it's all good but then a whole buncha kids turn up and light a fire and start playing the worst fucking music i've ever heard. It's hard to say what this genre is but it's like trance meets techno. and it's like all these old songs from the nineties 'remixed' so that they've got a base 'line' that is at least 120BPM. OONST OONST OONST OONST. It's music for people who take herbal pills and smoke P. muther fuckers. at first it's a bit funny, nah it's not that funny, but it goes on all night and i get the most shit sleep ever. The speed of the base makes my heart race, i can't quieten it for the life of me. I use every tactic i know to make myself feel calm and sleep. i nearly get hysterical and have to go over and plead with them, but somehow I eventually manage to get to sleep. probably about 3am.
ear plugs. ear plugs. ear plugs.

Because my body is tuned to wake up at 6am i do. tired, but thats cool cuz i get to watch dawn. (see pics.) It's dead quiet, the bad music has been turned off, everyones sleeping. just the waves crashing and the wind blowing and the sun rising. two surfers are already out and they rapidly multiply. its pretty small and onshore. but lots go out so i guess they think it's the best its gonna be all day. i ask these two german surfers what they reckon and they say, yeah it'll only get worse. but germans are typically pessimistic so i take this with a grain of sand.

Back to the tent and with one cooker, one pot and no spoons, like the true chefwhiz I am, I make me and dan poached eggs on toast and steaming hot coffee. mmmmm. mmmmm.
I have to admit to how bad i am inside, a black and rotten apple. When we left the house in a big rushing fluster, I grabbed the coffee plunger cuz theres no way i'm up there all day surfing without coffee. but i know, deep down inside in a part of me that knows these things, that jan will want that plunger tomorrow herself. i squash the thought.
when im' making coffee the next day i feel really realy bad. what a bad naughty selfish thing to do. like a bad child.
when i get home she (laughing) has me up about it. she managed to find an old one, which was good, but she tells me i better watch out now cuz she's going to do terrible things to me when i'm least suspecting, that i will live in tension, because she can be very wicked.
i apologise profusely but it's no good. i say don't start something you mightent win and she cackles, unafraid.

With my belly full of eggs toast and coffee and adrenals revving my motor, i suit up and head out. oh but wait, wheres my bikini top? it was hanging right there drying over night...
someones taking my bikini top. not my bottom, not my WETTY, and not dans sneakers, just my top. you know, that bikini is three years old, it's a one off cuz one of my best friends made it for me, and it's an awesome fucking bikini, but the REAL problem here is, i'm at the beach and i have no fucking togs. it's really more annoying than it is anything else. i have to suit up with nothing on underneath, it's not that comfortable ahy. Wetsuits don't hold your tits in. or up. and it rubs. you get the picture. I wish i could just find whoever took it for a laugh and explain all that to them. but you never can can you.

Theres are two sections of the beach that are forming good peaks, the point, and then fifteen metres north of that, which is where i head in. The suns coming up and it's warming up. theres roughtly eight to ten guys. i get out, am right in position straight away, turn paddle and catch a wave and just as i go to stand, a guy is there on the wave on my left and he goes SHIT and bails into me and i bail.
whoops. i dropped in on him and didn't even realise. he looks pissed off. i feel stink about it! i'm like sorry dude, he just waves his hand like whatever.

fuck man it's so shit. i feel stink and hang back a bit, but like, you have to be somewhat aggressive and go for your own, i barely catch anything, and if i can catch it, i have to at least try. also what dudes do is turn, do a few strokes like they're thinking of catching it, decide to wait for the next one and let it go, and i miss it cuz i do'nt want to poach, but if they'd left it i'd catch it. i don't really know the wave ettiquite (Sp) i try to stay outta everyones way. but you konw, a girls gotta go out for her own too. And sure, these dudes want you to be a little intimidated cuz to themyour'e just ain the way. but fuck, to me you're just in the way too bro. Also once or twice i'm fucking placed for a couple of big ones, the peak is behind ME and i just happen to be in the right place, more good luck than good management, and two dudes paddle in and take it. it's a dog muzzles in and takes your wave dog world sometimes. shit happens.

anyway it's all good. my board snaps away from me and hurts me knee one time. wish i had a spring suit and i'd strap it to my calf. next summer. Another chick comes out and shes rad. she's fully really really good. really fast and strong and just really good. yay i get such a good buzz from good chick surfers. it warms up. must be bout 11 and i head in to go hang with dan.

i go to change outta my wetty and realise i can't really hang at the beach all day with no bra no bikini, i've only got a tshirt and it's black. I suggest we go into mangawhai see if i can buy a bikini.
off we go, trip to town. score a rad new bikini on sale at the shop, just my favourite colours, i like alot. it all works out okay. blessed relief to be back in a bikini instead of sweating in black tshirt.

then we drive up to mangawhai heads cuz theres an easter market. it's pretty crafty, glazed pottery, big cotton clothing, paua jewellery, nothing real special but a good atmostphere. we get the best masala dosa ever for lunch and try on lots of weird clothes we'd never buy.
head up to the heads just for a peak and it's mushy cappy onshore crap.
so those bitter germans were right ahy.

head back to te arai beach and lie down for a nap. hot dudes to the left, hot dudes to the right. it's a veritable check out scene. it's hilarious. these three dudes are checking us out hard, dans just looking straight back at them cuz she's gotta boyfriend, she thinks this makes her immune, or invisible or something, a no score zone like home base, she doesn't realise that they dont' know and don't care. everytime i look over one of thems looking and grins. we just crack up. i roll over to get a nap. after lying there for twenty minutes suddenly three tablespoons of water come trickling from the deep recesses of my head out my left nostril. its the weirdest feeling bit like wasabi and makes my eyes tingle and weep.
it also makes me laugh it's so ticklish. we're sleep deprived, sun sleepy, giggly.
dan wants a swim so i accompany her. she holds her hands up by her chin and elbows tucked into her sides and doesn't go in far enough to get her pants wet. we're ridiculous.

then maybe it's pack up time cuz who knows how traffic will be and we're supposed to be going to a housewarming tonight.

make a swift gettaway that is retarded in its tracks my signs in WELLSFORD that say: traffic jam in orewa take alternate route. so we do. stuck behind ten grandpas in people wagons going eighty. we get to kaukapakapa before we get to auckland. i'm over it.
we both lose our steam and get real tired in the car.

FnC for dinner and watch a dvd. awesome. go easter. thankyou jesus for rolling that stone aside and coming outta that cave so that we may all have four days in april to kiss the face of a dying summer and get our washing in order. Amene.

Was thinking of cleaning room, gardening, doing washing etc today, but ended up at Piha having a surf. it was pretty nice, bit all over the place, had a good hour or so. The real nice thing was i managed to connect with nic, a fellow wellpark girl, and her flatties kim and amy, they all live at Piha, just up the road, and are as committed to surfing as me. wellll, maybe not that committed who knows. but very ace ladies, spent the arvo with them and they said come stay anytime. heres betting i will.
radness.

how was your easter?

why do things work out the way the do!?!?!?!?!?

arraahrhrhahghghg.
i'm sitting here dying fucking dying for a surf. fucking dying. i'd get up and go anywhere right this second for a surf. but i said to dan we'd do a road trip so i'm waiting to hear from her. cuz she's got to do a lesson first. We were going to go to raggers but the surfs fucking massive and it'll be onshore all arvo. pims there and he's giving me constant updates, i just missed the wind turn east and it go small and glassy. i'm friggin dying inside!!! ahahahrhrrh.g the only place that looks good is shippies but it'll be a full tank in my hummer, which is a hundy, which just makes me cringe. still.
we were at piha yesterday and it was so unbelievably shite, that i didn't even go in.
now i wish i had. there weren't even waves it was crumbling mushy onshore as. there was two people out and they were really good. just as we left it got a bit better but we were all starving and ready to gt home. shit goddam.

So I go get dan yesterday for breaky and who's on her couch but Big Bud this pretty big deal DnB Dj from the uk.
www.myspace.com/bigbuduk
long story. but he buys me breaky cuz i'm so broke, which is real nice of him, so i drive him to swanson, so we all hang out at piha and now he's our mate, lovely lovely guy, even let some french surf magazine use his tunes for their dvd for free, cannot WAIT to see/hear that. and he's like, you coming to the concert? we'll work out the door list.
but the night of the gig
I"M
DOING
A
TRI
IN ROTORUA
AT 6am in the morning the morning after the gig this friday.
and i'm also going to Alice Russell
THANK YOU LORD
the night before.
you can't party to all hours on a thursday, get up for work at six, finish work and dance all night to 2am, drive what, four hours to vegas, put on a wetsuit, swim a k in the frigid goddam waters of blue lakes, wait for your mate to cycle, then run 11k off road.
you can't. no one can.
it's fucked up.
his tracks are the raddest and hes such a nice guy and all my mates will be there and our names will be on the door and where will i be while they are euphorically dancing their asses off? i'll be eating pasta getting an early night in some foreign motel room with decor from the seventies too nervous to sleep. wearing a wetsuit shivering in the coldest water in nz.
bullshit.
i've got to go surfing right now i'm getting really really grumpy.

one thing makes it all okay, say it with me now
ALICE RUSSELL!!!!!
lets say it twice for effect
AL
ice
Russ
Ell
yaaayayayayayay
suckers.

cobwebbed cats and cockroach sex

my friend andrea in london sent me a link to her blog and i went and had a look and you know what, her blog is cheerful, brief, light, and funny. The complete antithesis to my blog which is long winded, heavy, solemn and vaguely depressing. Opinions please.

I"ve decided to take a web page from her URL and lighten mine up.
Heres the thing i laughed most at yesterday:
The way cats hate water and when you bath them when you're a kid and they're your baby and they hates it and their claws come and and cling to the porcelain on the bath and go all rigid and it goes Sreeeeeeeeeekchhhththch.
The way cats come in from fossicking under the house and stroll past and look at you all nonchalantly and dignified sniffing the air, not knowing that they are COVERED in cobwebs. hehehe.
and finally.
My aunt bought coackroach traps for her house where i'm staying. i'm like, weird, whats the bait? Is there like some sexy female cockroach in skimpy clothes with a pole doing sexy dance wiggling her hips going: COme'ere babeee.
and jans like; pretty much! it's got the sent of cockroach sex on it and it lures them in.
outrageous!
then i'm like, but how does it trap them? she's like: they stick to it.
this makes me all sad and worried and grossed out, so to assuage my distress she says:
oh yeah but before they die they're absolutely GOING FOR IT
and she is kneeling in my bedroom and starts imitating a cockroach having the shag of his life.
This is very funny. hehehe.