Sunday February 18th

It's Odettes birthday today. Somewhere in the world, maybe the Austria? It's not Austria and everytime I try to remember where I can only think of the word Austria. Well somewhere in the Swiss Alps she is turning 27. Welcome to 27 odette. Are the Swiss Alps in Swiss-erland?
Oh Jusuit. Happy Birthday Odette. You're the shiz.

Piha was 2-3ft today and SW cross/onshore. It was a good old sunny day, not too scorching but hot under foot and need lotsa cream. Piha packed as ever on a sunny sunday. A rainbow of towels umbrellas beach tents surf boards and flesh, wonderful odd shaped sweaty semi undressed people of all ages and sizes and genders growing on piha like a fungus. A good fungus. A happy Sunny Sunday Fungus.

Okay so today i have to admit it, I'm scared of the waves.
I"m scared. Cuz of my 'near drowning'. I realised today, I'm back on the horse but I've switched to a shetland pony.
Me Matt and Lucy went out. I was sleep deprived from working last night but god teh waves wash a bit of a hangover right out your ears.
Good brave matt borrowed my brothers board and wetty. He's been out before, once, seventeen years ago.
I told him the few things I knew, punctuated with "but I know nothing", and they sounded half obvious half stupid coming out my mouth.

Paddled out and across to the best looking part of the break at North Piha. Up by lions rock but not too close. Between the flags as luck would have it.
This is what happens to me now. I jump through the first three or four waves, as the gather gusto, the white water growing in height each wave. Wading wading. God it takes forever, but it's not the kind of thing I feel like hurrying. Then a wave comes that is much bigger and if i got through it I'd be set up to catch the next one, but i don't wanna go through it. Can't go over it. Can't go under it. can't go through it. Can't go round it. (Can't=Don't wanna)

SO i turn around and say that'll do and paddle and have that one. and thats cool, but you don't get as much wave and i'm riding the white water. Does it matter? i'm still having fun, and getting better, maybe it doesn't matter but i'm worried i'm being a scaredycat.
Yep thats pretty much it, i'm concerned for my status, scared people will point as I pass and call out there goes ScaredyCatTyler. I hate being scaredy. I hate being chickenshit. But I really, really don't want to drown. I don't want to go down with that wave and have to hold my breath and... drown. I don't want to even feel like i'm might be GOING to drown. oh dear.

So i'm not going out to back line anymore. But i think they're too big for me. At Piha.
I see them coming, building, walls of water, this deceptively flat surfaced wall which is a wounded bull of moving water and think fuck no. Fuck no. Fuck.
or: SHOOOOWEEEEE. Meaning: big fucker.
And i see the dudes on top and think: rather you than me.
And when i go down under the wave my heart jumps into my throat. Silly heart doesn't know that i'm not going to drown, that i'm waist deep in water, that i'm surrounded by people and lifeguards, that it'll be over in a second. Silly heart gets that under the salt water feeling and starts stressing. Oh dear.
As if there weren't enough things against me in this world now i have to have irrational fear of drowing. that'll make for reeeeeal good surfing. Chickenshitassbastards.

So thats what i did for however long. The afternoon. it was sweet though and other dudes were there with me, and one even said, this is the spot ahy, catching heaps. I said yeah and not so much chance of drowing. But he'd already turned away. I'm too chatty for surfers.

Yeah so. But i got up and did a little carve thing on my board today, like had time to turn, and then slid off SPECTACTULARLY like FLEW across the sky superman styles, i laughed before i hit the wave thats how funny i thought i looked, and when i popped up this surfer dude said encouragingly, 'almost!' just before my board flew out and nearly thwacked him in the head and i apologise profusely with my hair in my eyes and seasnot dripping out my nose. He didnt' seem to mind.
surfers. nice bunch.
So yeah. top day though. followed by a lovely walk to the waterfall and an icy dip in the pool there. and quiche and apricot square mmmmm.

I also just watched The Squid and The Whale. If anyone has divorced parents and enjoyed and wants to relive the stifled, unexpressable pain and strangled emotions of people in your family fighting, miscommunicating and leaving each other, it's really a great, great film.
Otherwise, if you'd rather leave that particular aspect of your childhood in your childhood with monsters under the bed and other things you thankfully grew right out of, save yourself $8 and just say you did.

Did you see the paper yesterday and read about the hangglider lady who got sucked up in a storm 30,000 feet into the air?!?!?!!? Higher than mount everest. ANd lived. She has some frostbite on her face, ears, hadns and feet. but otherwise okay. she saw lightening all around her and then blacked out. She's still going to enter the world competition for hanggliders.
Somethings are just too crazy.

Sleepy.
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